I know I said I was moving away from typepad but I just found this on Kicking You From the Inside and thought it was incredible and wonderful. I think almost all of us have something we need to learn to love and forgive ourselves for.
Check out the Campaign for Love & Forgiveness Letting Go ritual.
I definitely seem to be finding and receiving what I need right now...
First off I really want to thank all of you for your comments about the abstinence thing. I really expected to have half of you tell me I was a selfish heathen so knowing you all feel as strongly as you do about abstinence in Africa really made me feel more confident in my decision to swing my work with the foundation to a local/national level only if there is no condom use encouraged. Once again you rock my world!
I am still sick and seem to be getting worse in some ways. I'm extremely tired and the sinus infection has decided to throw off my balance so I'm all woozy and dizzy - which sucks. So despite the fact that I had back to back meetings today (and yesterday was a holiday) I decided it was too dangerous to drive and I stayed home from work.
One of my darlingest friends had a little girl yesterday - less than 7 hours in proper labour! Our other mutual friends came with their 7 month old and picked me up and took me with them to the hospital so we could meet the newest addition to our pack. She was adorably cute and very long (22") but I could feel that all eyes are definitely locked on us now (no pressure). In fact I think that the friends with the 7 month old may have their second before we have our first. Not sure how I feel about it all. Usually strangely numb - I can't even really imagine having a child but being around them doesn't make me sad either. Its all a bit strange. I love hanging out with their kids and being Aunty Emily but also can't quite figure out how I fit into it all.
The other bit of shocking strangeness was a photo (below) that a friend (Chris) tagged of me on facebook. Its about 5 years old and was taken when we were working on turning our short film into a sitcom. After severe group writers block we went to the park to play in the rain and Chris threw me into a mud puddle. (Excuse the no make up)
And I thought I was FAT. Hahahahaha. Why is it that we can never be happy with where we are? I am busting my ass just to get back to that place - how amazing would it have been had I been happy where I was and just maintained it? I can't believe I actually thought I was fat then. I think that 95% of everything in life is mental - weird isn't it?
Anyway that photo is my new motivation to get fit. Despite the fact that I have no boobs I think I look fantastic. And I weigh 150lbs in that photo - funny how weight on people always looks different...
Ok... now I'm rambling because I'm stuck in bed so I am going to force-ably remove myself from typepad...
I was emailing the wonderful Killa and thought maybe I would extend my thoughts you guys as well. (Sorry for the repeat Killa!)
I’ve recently gotten involved with the charitable foundation that is part of the company I work for. They aim to raise money for various charities both locally, nationally and internationally. This weekend I discovered the project the Foundation is involved with in A*frica is faith based. Now I consider myself a spiritual person but I could not be considered religious in any traditional sense. I don't really have an issue with faith based charities (and as failing as the western governments are thank goodness someone gets involved) but I do have an issue with faith based organizations pushing religion in exchange for charity. In my mind charity should be given freely and liberally.
My issue is this: do I want to be involved in the project if it turns out that they only teach abstinence as a way of avoiding AIDS/HIV? My gut feeling is an overwhelming NO but is that throwing the baby out with the bathwater? To me the evidence is overwhelmingly obvious that the only way to help rescue A*frica from the plague of HIV/AIDS is through an aggressive sex education program and encouraged condom use (coupled with reduced debt, free education for all children and raising the status of women). I think that encouraging abstinence is as effective as peeing on a forest fire.
Lovely Internets - what do YOU think?
I hate typepad - I wrote you all a very long, articulate and joyful post yesterday. Then I hit spellcheck and it froze and I have been unable to get it back.
And I don't have the time or energy right now to re-type it so I'll give you some recaps.
First off I annouced (sorry its so late) the winner of my competition of when you just knew your husbando was going to be your husbando. The winner is: DUCK! Yay - Duck lives over at Speculum Stories and has had a really tough time of it lately. Duck I hope this helps kick off the start of a new era for you in TO.
Other things - weekend all good. Me joyously happy. Meeting Tenors changed me immensely. Thinking of acting again. 4 year plan. Finishing degree. Singing lessons. No baby trying till after summer so I can be skinny again. Oh and lost 5 pounds. Have bronchitus and sinus infection. Caught up on blogs. Will write properly tomorrow.
Love,
me
So I went to the Dr's yesterday and despite having to wait almost TWO hours to be seen (good thing I left work early!) it doesn't look like I have full blown bronchitis but the start of it coupled with a sinus infection and serious nasal drip so I am now on the antibiotics and a weird nasal spay.
Am off to see the fairy fagmother for a fantabulous brunch (and major gab session) this morning and as it seems the sun has finally decided to come out here we're going to take Pascoe to Stanley Park and walk around the seawall. I also need to pick up a copy of a book I'm dying to read- Stephen Lewis' Race Against Time as I gave my copy to one of the Tenors. The house also looks like a bomb hit it so I do need to tackle that as well and I need to do some work on a work idea/project.
Anyway just wanted to wish you all a happy saturday and I promise to post more later!
em xoxo
Well boys & girls I actually slept through most of the night last night so feel like I'm on the road to being a complete person again.
Still reeling from the insane meeting of minds that was the interview/photoshoot (more on that in a moment) and I have a Dr's appointment later to confirm or deny the fact that I think I have bronchitis.
I also haven't spent more than an hour with husbando since Monday and he's now stuck working an extra half shift tomorrow (but I'm using the time as an excuse to meet the fairy fagmother for brunch).
So - our editor in chief (aka my mom) has received no less than 3 compliments from the Canadian Tenors' management about the photoshoot/interview. Seems that they loved it, have never had such a great time and found it cathartic and thought we were great. So at least I'm not forgettable. hahaha I actually am still processing all the feelings that being around performing professionals has created in me. I am a very long conversation with a dear friend about it all last night and pretty much cried through all of it. I'm not sure how much of this I feel I can work through in my blog. Partially it involves a VERY LARGE back story - which in itself is tricky but also because it is all really connected to my deepest darkest fears, feelings and issues. And it also seems that as the waters are so muddy it is taking alot to work through everything.
My conversation with JMF last night was very helpful. He suggested that perhaps I saw a part of myself reflected in the guys and I haven't seen that part of myself for a while. He also suggested that I work out what I'm afraid of (being unsafe, vunerable, rejected or not liked but also of losing something good) and he questioned why I see sucess meaning losing all I hold dear. I also admitted some things that I haven't said out loud before - that as an actress I was always about what I wanted or saw as the vision of my character and because I had a lot of talent I was usually brought on board in spite of my "difficultness" and that because talent came so easily to me I never had to work at it so whenever things got difficult I tended to either get frustrated or give up (hello little miss impatient). So although I do think I want to get back on stage (I have no aching desire to get back in front of the camera in the same way) I am not sure how I want to do it but I do want it to be in a safe environment. I also know - if I am being 100% honest that I really want to do musical theater (in a lot of ways I am SO a musical theatre actress) but that would be really hard because (a) I'm a terrible singer and (b) I am terrified of singing on stage. So yeah... a few things to work out there.
Oh and I did look - I can't find a single production of A Streetcar Named Desire anywhere nearby (I honestly thought there would be one) so as much as I feel it was a sign I also feel like its not as simple as I had originally thought (hoped?) But I'm not stupid enough to lose sight of what a massive sign something like that is.
So thats where I'm at. It is so reassuring to know that I'm not just making up the energy and connection that happened in Calgary because we're hearing from all sides that it was a positive experience.
I'm also working on something all secret squirrel that makes me feel all schoolgirl giddy and excited.
And I missed my interactions with you over the passed few days not having the time to comment but only read made me realise how much a part of my life you have all become!
Happy friday everyone!
xoxo
Its 1:49am and I'm trying to sleep but am far too wired from the last few days.
I'm really behind on my blog reading and commenting and will try to catch up (at least on the reading) in the next day or so.
The last 2 days have been incredibly weird, beautiful, inspiring, amazing and strange. Our photoshoot and interview with the Canadian Tenors has been one of those meant to be things that kind of knocks you sideways and I now find myself questioning so many things within myself.
I feel like someone has picked me up and shaken me really hard and I need to see where things settle.
So many questions about how I currently live my life and the things that I've given up that I used to be so incredibly passionate about. Loads of stuff going on in my head and I don't know how to make it come out.
The photoshoot was fun and they were great sports (not to mention stunningly handsome) and after the shoot we did the interview in our hotel bar. An incredibly candid interview which I think surprised them as much as it surprised us - for some reason the writer and I really clicked with them and it seemed to really change the dynamic and facilitate candor.
We were so passionate about how great they were we fought to get the interview extended and for us to get to stay in Calgary for their show last (wed) night. Thank god we did. They are unbelievable talents and believe me now when I say they are going to be H-U-G-E. Their voices brought me to tears several times. And we really, honestly clicked with them. One of them actually lit up when he saw us after the show as he didn't know we were coming. We were truly in the presence of greatness, and I'm honoured to be so lucky (although I have a feeling its going to play havoc with my life a wee bit)
So in the middle of all of these questions in my head and me thinking about why I ever gave up acting and why when things were their greatest I sabotaged them, etc the other writer and I were walking down the road trying to find a restaurant and a man in a white cowboy hat walked up to me and touched my arm and said with a laugh "all you need now is to do a streetcar named desire". Um hello? Thats like one of my dream roles and I'm finally about the age you need to be to tackle Blanche and where the hell does a comment like that COME from when I haven't been on stage in years and he's a perfect stranger..
I honestly think the universe is telling me something - so many incredible serendipitous in the last 48 hours it hurts to think.
Oh and it hurts to breathe to because the pharmacist I saw earlier today thinks I have bronchitis.
I promise to catch up with you all soon...
xoxo
Two years ago today I married my darling husbando*. We really did have a fantastic day and it was a truly fabulous way to start our marriage. I know it's a cliche but I really do love him more today than I did on that day. He is a wonderful partner and friend and I don't count my blessings nearly as much as I should.
As promised here are some pics** and details of the day.
We didn't really want a long engagement - we ended up with 6 months but we didn't want any longer than that.
I had really wanted a very London wedding. We looked at venues outside of London and considered a destination wedding but we felt, in the end, that London was a destination for a lot of my friends and that if we went away we would have even less friends come, something neither of us wanted so in the end we decided came back to the idea of a very London wedding.
I really wanted my dress made for me by the amazing Killa, I've said it before but wearing something that was made just for you is an incredibly special feeling. I thought I wanted a very slinky, red carpet-y kind of dress but when I tried on a style that eventually became my dress I knew it was perfect. I do have to say the dress that I eventually did wear was 1000 times more beautiful than the one that I tried on because of all of Killa's hard work and little changes along the way.
I had a pretty big bridal party - I had 3 brides-ladies and 3 brides-men but one of the brides-men got caught up in an international move so I ended up with 5. Killa, NewMama, Kiwi, CB & JMF. I had seen a pic of a cute wedding dress and Killa and I adapted the design for the brides-ladies. I wanted them in something very 50's and girly. CB was a no brainer and we wanted all the boys in navy blue suits. Because the wedding was in the evening I got to spend the whole day with my gang just hanging out - which was lovely and definitely helped me relax. In fact we were so relaxed I lost track of the time and we were nearly very late!
For the flowers I carried beautiful Sarah Bernhardt peonies - they are my hands down favourite and are always in bloom in late June (when we got together) . For the girls bouquets we went to one of my favourite flower stalls in Marylebone train station the day before the wedding and they each picked their favourite flowers and Husbando's sister arranged them all for me. For the boys husbando wanted simple - so we went with ivory roses and rosemary (for remembrance) from my grandmother's garden.
We were married at the Old Marylebone Town Hall a fabulous building that has seen everyone from Beatles to Oasis married there. I love the stone steps and the lions outside. I walked down the aisle to Etta James' At Last and we walked back down the aisle as a couple to Stevie Wonder's Signed Sealed Delivered. I'll never forget the look on Husbando's face when I appeared nor the surety and determination in his voice as he said his vows.
We were really stumped on where to hold hte party. In an ideal world I would have held it at the Natural History Museum but a £10,000 rental fee (before any food or rentals) killed that idea and then a lot of other venues were either too expensive or booked ages before. In the end husbando's father belonged to an old military club and they had their own club headquarters just off Regent Street in London and they were willing to rent it to us for £250!!!!! That was a no brainer and with some clever lighting we were able to turn the dress hall into a much more personal venue.
While we were looking for a way to transport people from the ceremony to the reception I stumbled across a site that listed old London traditions and I discovered that it used to be traditional for the entire wedding party, complete with guests, to walk from one to the other. We LOVED the idea and planned a route through the old cobblestone streets of Marylebone Village. Some of my favourite memories and photos are from that walk. People came out of shops to congratulate us, people in cafes raised their coffees to us, we mixed in with picnickers heading to veg out in Regent's Park. It was FAB. It was also a touch too long but I didn't care I was having so much fun. The best overheard conversation was as we passed a late 20's couple and he said "Oh look there's a Mountie!" and she said in an incredibly dry voice "Ya, there was a bride too!" hahahaha
We started off the party with sparkling rose from New Zealand, then sat for dinner. Neither of us wanted a lot of speeches so my usually shy father delivered one of the funniest wedding speeches I have ever heard and one of Husbando's 3 best men delivered a beautiful and heartfelt speech and then we were off.
Husbando couldn't think of anything worse than having to take centre stage and do some silly little dance so we decided that we would only do our first dance if everyone was on the dance floor. Once everyone realised that we were serious the Dj let loose with Stevie Wonder's Superstition followed closely by James Brown's Get Up Offa That Thing. It was great to look around the room and see EVERYONE dancing. Even my 85 year old Gran was dancing with her nearly 90 year old boyfriend!
And that was it - we danced and laughed until they kicked us out and then headed out into the street and flagged a black cab to take us to our hotel.
*Husbando is very private and doesn't want his face splashed across the tinterweb so I promised him I would only post pics where you can't see his face!
** I started to post pics in this post but it was getting sooooo slow so I went really self indulgent and posted them in an album. Feel free to skip this part.
Ok, So lets get real.
As per my challenge yesterday here are my weight/measurement stat details. I'm also going to be posting them in the left side bar.
I am using my wedding weight as my goal because I was very healthy at the time and had found a good balance between life/work/exercise/food. I have been a thinner than that but it was practically a full time job and was far too much hard work to sustain. And just to round out the details I am a med - large build and 5'7" tall.
What are you waiting for - do you accept the challenge?
Details on where the measurements are taken at at the bottom.
So when we got married in June 2006 here were my stats:
Weight 154lbs
Waist 31"
Hips 41"
Chest 31.75"
Bust 36.5"
Belly 35"
Thigh 24.5"
June 15th 2008
Weight 192.8lbs
Waist 37.5"
Hips 44.5"
Chest 35.5"
Bust 42"
Belly 43"
Thigh 27.5"
June 21st 2008
Weight 192.6lbs
Waist 35"
Hips 44"
Chest 35"
Bust 41.5"
Belly 40.5"
Thigh 27"
Where the measurements are taken (as advised by a Dr):
Waist Standard waist measurement - above the hips. About 1 inch above the naval.
Hips About an inch below the hip bones, taking in the upper part of my bum.
Chest Under the boobs - where the band of your bra sits
Bust Around the boobs
Belly Between the waist and the hips - where that"spare tire" seems to accumulate.
Good morning all - thanks so much for all your lovely get better wishes. I feel worse today so I'm hoping today it the crux of it and then I get to move on. I really want to be over it before I fly but that crazy airplane air always gives me a cold anyway (yes I have the weakest immune system in the world!)
So the wedding yesterday was a combination of delightful and duh! Our trip down there involved a very nasty US border guard who practically threatened to send husbando to jail because when he pulled up to the booth window he touched the rubber cone set out. The guy thought Husbando's apology wasn't enough and got him to move the car. I just sat there thinking he must have the smallest dick in the world to be such an idiot. We were sent inside because Husbando has to travel on his British passport until he can become Canadian and inside we had the nicest border guy ever. He was laughing and chatting with us about costumes and weddings and although I don't' have a valid Canadian passport (must get on that) as I had my citizen card he said he'd ignore my British Passport and we wouldn't have to pay for an entry visa for me. Talk about opposites. All was good until we hit some rubbish traffic 5 miles outside the wedding venue and we were already running late. Then the dog got car sick and threw up in the back seat. Yuck! However I am now well versed in the art of cleaning up vomit from the back seat while in the front, comforting poor Pascoe and the vehicle moving. I think this skill will come in handy when we have kids. We finally got there with just minutes to spare but thankfully they were running late so we got to change in the street and some other kind guests helped me lace up my dress.
Now... we were probably the most dressed up there. And a LOT of people didn't dress up at all but more on that later.
As promised here is a pic of me in my costume! They are crap quality because husbando (the photographer) forgot his camera, so they're taken on my phone...
Anyway - so there I am! Bride and groom were thrilled with how dressed up we were.
So the wedding. Well first off it wasn't anything like a traditional wedding. I know the bride from an acting intensive I did about 9 years ago and flamboyant doesn't even come close. She had a sort of "forest of Arden" them and was dressed as a sort of forest pixie - complete with ears. Her costume (it wasn't really a dress) was beautiful and she had the most amazing peacock feather glove things (Killa you will love them I'll try to get pics for you). Here attendants were all dressed as various fairies, etc. He wore a tuxedo. They sang part of their vows (I felt sorry for him because he doesn't really sing so it was obvious he was uncomfortable). It was sweet though.
Unfortunately though there was a couple of "interesting" things. Not a lot of people dressed up. His family were wearing either Hawaiian shirts or t-shirts (aside from one brother who was dressed as a pirate). So I felt sorry for them that that was the case. In fact I have now been to almost as many North American weddings as UK ones and people in North America treat weddings really casually. Like flip-flops and shorts casually and I HATE IT. Its a wedding for christsake!!!!!!! A MAJOR life even that binds two people together forever blah blah blah you think you could actually put on something NICE. You don't have to go as far as English morning suit but a shirt and tie, maybe slacks and a jacket but a T-SHIRT? SHORTS? You've got to be fucking kidding me. We're not going to McDonald's folks - you could at least make an effort. Ok Rant over.
Also it was a DRY wedding. WTF? Ok. I understand that some people don't drink but what about all your guests that do? I have been to one other dry wedding and it was dry because the couple were both recovering alcoholics and it was made very obvious on the invitations what the situation was. This one was a complete and utter surprise! I don't like surprises like NO ALCOHOL! When there were toasts to the couple people just said "cheers" there wasn't a glass raised or anything. We thought it was very strange. I know it was a potluck too but we would have happily brought wine and beer with us.
Anyway - so thats that. It was lovely to be able to be there for the bride and groom and even though we left earlier because I felt like hell I'm glad we went. Its lovely to be included in these wonderful events in people's lives.
On to other things.
Kate made a comment the other day about starting a wine club and I was thinking what if we started some sort of blog-wine club? Not entirely sure how it would all work - we could talk about what we're drinking, make recommendations, etc. What do you guys think? Good idea or no?
Ok - health and fitness stuff.
I have been thinking long and hard about this but most of you encouraged me to post my measurements and details on the blog as a way of being accountable. And as embarrassing as it is I think you are right so I'm going to post it later today. I have lost 7 inches in the last week - which is fantastic. My weight hasn't moved all that much but I knew it wouldn't because I've been lifting weight and running which builds muscle and muscle weights more than fat. So... a CHALLENGE. I challenge all of you who are trying to get healthier and / or lose weight to post your stats on your blog with your goals so you can hold yourself accountable. And so we can cheer you along as you meet your goals. Who's in!
Ok - back to bed for me so I can rest up before having to sort out the dinner party we're throwing tonight!
xoxo
